Pilot Script Review - Lost & Found

LOST & FOUND

Written By: Christine Levinson

Draft Date: November 24, 2008 ("production draft")

Pages: 57

Network: NBC

Category: Thumbs Down

Dear fanboys: please don't flame me. I loved Katee Sackhoff as Starbuck as much as the next BSG fanatic (even if I hated the resolution to her story with Lee, along with, well, the entire post-battle section of the finale). Not the time for that rant.

You'll be pleased to know that, as L&F was developed as a star vehicle for Sackhoff, it's very easy to hear her voice in lead character Tessa Cooper. I mean, really, add the word "frak" in a few places and it practically is Starbuck in high heels (that I may have added in my head, as I don't recall the script actually mentioning footwear) and an LAPD uniform.

You'll be displeased to know that L&F sucks (on a different, but not necessarily lower or higher level than The Forgotten, this pilot season's other missing / unidentified persons show). It's another show with pervading voiceovers... only this show has Tessa in a not-nearly-as-Marlowe-as-she-thinks-she-is way providing the VO work. And when I say "pervade" I really do mean it. Remember Veronica Mars? She could get rather VOy, but at least most of that was funny internal dialogue about someone. L&F's VO falls flat.

Tessa Cooper is a hotheaded detective in some LA precinct. The teaser deals with her putting herself in a victim's headspace in order to figure out a crime... apparently a skill of Tessa's. In this case in involves Katee standing on the railing of a 13th floor hotel room near LAX in her underwear (an image I'm shocked hasn't surfaced as a production still). The VO asks "I'm a 22-year old Asian-American pharmaceutical rep. I drive a Ford Focus and have two cats. Why do I jump?" This, apparently, is Tessa's skill. Internally asking herself the obvious questions. Unfortunately for Tessa, results in some woman letting go of her dog as she yells at Tessa to not jump, the dog runs into traffic, and vehicle-on-vehicle action ensues. Whoops. In the best use of the VO in the script, Tessa is called to her lieutenant's office immediately after and thinks "I should have jumped."

Anyway, Tessa is transferred to the Lost and Found division. Which is in a basement. Where there is no cell reception. There's an ancient computer (script says first generation Pentium... wow) and a rotary phone that gets incoming calls but can't place outgoing calls. And Brian Cox lives there! Well, no, his character, Burt Macey, does. Burt is 55 and, in the last five years, has identified 3 unidentified persons. Go, Burt! Apparently UIDs really are low priority. All the more reason to watch this show... right?

So the pilot deals with Tessa not wanting to be part of this crackerjack UID department and eventually deciding "hey, I can do good work here... at least until I'm out of the doghouse and can be transferred back upstairs. In the meantime, she'll be VOing to herself such gems as "I'm a big black man, 18 to 35 years old. I have a class ring on a chair around my neck and a Viking helmet. Who am I?" and "I'm a Latino woman, 40 to 55 years old. I'm wearing a business suit and carrying a leather briefcase full of ping pong balls. Who am I?"

I really do think that a unidentified persons series could work... but neither this nor The Forgotten do it for me.

Pilot Script Review - The Forgotten

THE FORGOTTEN (fka THE UNKNOWN)

Written By: Mark Friedman

Draft Date: January 12, 2009

Pages: 59

Network: ABC

Category: Thumbs Down

Continuing our trip down suckitude lane with The Crappy Crime Show Gang, we have Exhibit B of this season's evidence that ABC can't develop a crime procedural.

The Forgotten / The Unknown is, unlike Brothers & Detectives, a show with a premise that could work. Regular citizens / amateur detectives solving unidentified persons cases. I mean... that could work, right? Do-gooders doing good. I believe there's still a place on TV for that without moral ambiguity and anti-heroes.

Then we get to the execution which - for me - just fails. Did I read this script ages ago? Yes. But it's not that none of the characters stuck with me for months... it's that none of them stuck with me immediately after reading. Which really pissed me off. What a waste of time! Also now I have to comb through the script for review details. SIGH. The amateur team is part of "The Identity Network," which the script describes (in dialogue to a potential new member) as "volunteers across the country, connected on the Internet. We share tips, ideas, we use our own knowledge and expertise... and we're all committed to finding out who these people are." Noble. A tad weird, but, hey, it's apparently a real thing. And they do it from a suburban living room with a billboard and a broadband connection!

The team is led (ish) by Alex Donovan, an ex-cop/detective in the Chicago PD. The rest team is made up, generally, of a bunch of neurotics which, individually, could play as comedy relief but together form an unserious mess. Bones gets the balance right with the squints. This... misses the mark. The team includes new guy / graffiti tagger Tyler, who does facial reconstructions with clay models (IIRC), agoraphobe Linda who (gasp!) can use a computer to post to message boards and read things, Candace, who is the pretty girl (yeah, apparently this group has one of those!), and Walter, a phone company repair tech whose specialty, I believe, was canvassing the community with flyers. There's a female detective character Alex knows and uses to get information, and I kept expecting a flirtationship that never materialized.

The case in the pilot revolves around a Jane Doe who was murdered and dumped into a ditch near a highway. And we voiceovers form and flashbacks of her throughout as the team figures more out (called a "Doe Moment" in the script...) The script thinks these things are awesome. I think they're intrusive. Of course, the more information the team collects, the more we see of her until we eventually see who she is and, voila, missing person's case solved.

Pilot Script Review - Solving Charlie

SOLVING CHARLIE (fka BROTHERS & DETECTIVES)

Written By: Daniel Cerone

Draft Date: January 8, 2009

Pages: 60

Network: ABC

Category: Thumbs Down

Oh, yay! We've reached the point in my Stack of Review Material Process I like to call "The Crappy Crime Show Gang."

Let's start with the most laughable, shall we? And let's start discussion of this saying that, for the love of god, ABC does not know it's way around a crime procedural. I mean, really, it doesn't.

The first 5 pages of this script (by a man who LEFT HIS JOB RUNNING DEXTER TO DEVELOP THIS, DEAR LORD HOW THE HELL DID EVERYTHING TURN OUT SO BADLY) show us the murder.

They also give away the murderer and the motive and that it's set up as a suicide.

This strikes me as a poor decision. I'm not the guy who watches all of the crime shows on CBS, so I may be wrong here... but shouldn't you, like, hide that stuff? So that the audience is figuring it out along with the characters? No?

I've heard that Law & Order: Criminal Intent does, actually tell you who committed the crime from the get-go and then the rest plays out form both sides of the fence (never watched an episode, myself). Which may be why it's the L&O series now relegated to USA?

Anyway. The pilot serves to set Charlie Hudson (mid-30s, let's just call him Hudson) up with guardianship of his estranged-since-the-age-of-five/now-dead father's 11-year old son, Charlie (yeah... inventive man, wasn't he!). Charlie happens to be a genius with a knack for solving puzzles. Hudson is a Property Crime detective with aspirations of being kicked up to the Homicide department. And - yay! - they fight crime together (the pilot case involves a jealous English professor killing a student who gave him a manuscript for a novel to get notes on and the novel was so good that, gosh darn it, the frustrated professor had to kill the student and take the manuscript for his own and finally get published... and he would've gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling brothers and detectives!)

Pass.

Pilot Script Review - Trauma

TRAUMA

Written By: Dario Scardapane

Draft Date: December 17th, 2008

Pages: 65

Network: NBC

Category: Jury's Out

I read a fairly early draft of this script, and I've been told about some changes to it that make me want to elevate it from Jury's Out to Thumbs Up. My rationale for putting Trauma in the Jury's Out category in the first place was that I just wasn't sure the premise was sustainable on the scale presented in the pilot... and I still don't think it is.

The show is about an Emergency Response Team in San Francisco (as well as doctors at hospitals and the patients, but mostly the EMTs). The pilot features a helicopter explosion at an incomplete skyscraper (which takes place a year ago and provides some traumatic / tragic backstory to many of our regular characters... it was an EMT helicopter carrying friends, colleagues, loved ones...) and, in the present, a pileup at the Bay Bridge involving an incredibly-hard-to-miss-with story about a carpool mother and the five kids in the back of her van in the crash. I mean... it's gonna be a tearjerker.

But, jeez, what's next week?

And don't get me wrong... ER pulled it off, to varying degrees of success, for 15 years. It can be done. ER, on the other hand, was pretty much entirely situated in the emergency room. Production-wise, that's a lot easier to deal with on a weekly basis than creating new major disasters for the EMTs to respond to. I mean... we all got really sick of ER's big disaster episodes (hell, Grey's Anatomy only tried to pull it off twice and in the middle of the first story - the Ferry Crash arc - we all got pretty fed up with it so when the fourth season inverted ambulance episodes came around my eyes were already rolling rather swiftly).

Then I remembered that this is mostly about reviewing pilots, and only minorly about assessing series potential. As a pilot (script), Trauma works. It is big, it is bloody, it has a number of haunted lead characters. It's the anti-ER (because it features much more responding to the emergency and bringing the victims to the trauma center than it does of the trauma center itself) even if it tries to take a number of elements that made that series work so effectively in the beginning. We'll see if it works on the screen. I think some levity might need to be injected into the series, because it is very dark. Then again, too much levity and you wind up with a Grey's Anatomy tonal copycat with EMTs instead of surgeons so going for the more ER-esque serious tone may pay off.

Pilot Script Review - Masterwork

MASTERWORK

Written By: Paul T. Scheuring

Draft Date: January 20, 2009

Pages: 65

Network: FOX

Category: Thumbs Down

As we're far more rapidly approaching May upfronts (and NBC's May infront) than I seem to be doing these reviews, I'm going to try to keep more brief when I don't feel like I have anything particularly interesting to say.

Brought to us by the man who created (but doesn't run) Prison Break, Masterwork is the illegitimate clone/bastard-child of The DaVinci Code and National Treasure (which was already a clone of TDVC, itself). World-hopping, art-recovering FBI agent Marcus Vanderwold and his protege Sean Fetters are starting on track of a "whale" in the art-recovery world not because of the particular historical value of the statue they're tasked to recover but because of some Massively Ominously Worded Prophecy Or Some Such that says that "The statue itself is just the beginning. It leads to power. To that thing beneath the Temple of Solomon. Which in turn leads to the Greatest Power" (or, summarized as King Solomon's Treasure, a great, mythical, lost fortune that could turn the economic tides of the world depending on who finds is... yay!)

I don't trust the TV series and its clues to be as impressively researched and enthralling as, say, Angels & Demons (a far better book than TDVC, and I'm eager to see the film which should also be better). But, well, that's the series goal for you.

In the meantime, you have a kind of buddy-cop dramedy being played between Marcus and Fetters (who kind of disappears in the second half of the script when Marcus becomes more entanged with his MI-5 rival, Mo Murphy). The rivalry between Marcus and romantic interest / MI-5 agent also in the art-recovery business, provides some predictable turns and double-crosses that could be masked if we really buy into their love-hate relationship, and it may show up on screen, but it fizzled for me on the page. Of course, there are religious figures involved, and conspiracies aplenty.

I just feel like I've seen it / read it before and seen it / read it done better (and in books and movies where you're allowed to open and shut a story, whereas in TV you have to figure out how to extend it for seasons and seasons without people losing interest... oh, wait, I already have?) It seems like the kind of intrinsically heavily serialized show that the networks are starting to shy away from, except in rare, special cases (i.e. Flash Forward). I'm not excited and I don't hear great buzz on this project, but you never really know until you see the final cut.

Grey's Is Back with Sweet Surrender

Yay! Grey's Anatomy is back after a month-long hiatus that felt like a year.

Never thought I'd be excited about this show again... but here I am. Here we are.

Damn you, Shonda.

Oh, thank god, Owen is getting psychological help. Which means Amy Madigan is back!

Oh, cute awkward meet the father lesbian story replete with "run for your life" warning to George (who, 10 minutes in, has actually been in two scenes... wow!)

I'm kinda over Derek and Mark being manemies over Lexie. Seriously kinda over it.

The pediatric case (seriously, the show has been on such an upswing since Jessica Capshaw's Arizona Robbins was brought in on her roller-sneakers and this field of surgery utilized in stories) has Tay-Sachs, which means... a Jewish story? Oh, it must be the Passover season. PS, Tay-Sachs is fatal in children, and this child has lived one or two years longer than she ought to have... you can't fail to pull at the heartstrings with that kind of story.

... the show has created the adjective "cancery." Kudos.

I love Izzie's wedding den / hospital room. And that she plays a prank on Cristina in order to get Meredith to try on wedding rings (but do I sense the girl who cried wolf coming?)

"Hey! Stop speaking Spanish!" XD

What's with Lexie's eating? Is it to justify Chyler Leigh's pregnancy weight (they are definitely shooting her from the chest up)?

Yeah, Derek... thinking that the Chief could be your best man at your wedding to Meredith... not a good call.

Dude. That guy crashing through the 3rd or 4th story window and onto a car (that was parked curiously close to / inside the ambulance bay...) was kinda awesome. Dude. George has a story this week. Trauma suits him... after all, he did that heart surgery in the elevator that time by himself.

Don't get up off that bed, Izzie Stevens you IDIOT.

I can't even talk about the Callie's father storyline. I refuse to.

That scene with Bailey talking to the father about the terminal child (who is laying in a hospital bed with Bailey) was heartbreaking... if overly whispery. Oh, accepting the inevitable...

GOOD FOR YOU, CALLIE. It's going to feel like crap, but you did the right thing for you.

Don't like Owen using the "jumping in front of a car" metaphor (from his medical case, you know?) for him "wrecking" Cristina by dating her. Too on the nose. Well, Grey's Anatomy in its heyday often was too on the nose... so this really is a return to form!

"You can stop eating now." "Oh, thank god."

Next Season - NBC

Who the hell knows with NBC in the Jay Leno era!? Not to mention that, outside of Tuesday and Thursday, there's no existing launching pads to remotely safely program new series.

Monday:

- 8pm: Parenthood.

- 9pm: Law & Order: SVU (this is one of the only places CBS doesn't have a crime show)

Tuesday:

- 8pm: Biggest Loser... but a 90 minute version.

- 9:30pm: Get a sitcom tryout slot in here.

Wednesday:

- 8pm: Medical drama (either Mercy or Trauma). I wouldn't have thought a medical drama could work at 8pm, but House has... then again, it was a hit before moving to 8pm. On the other hand... NBC just doesn't have anywhere else to put a medical show.

- 9pm: Law & Order (original flavor). Actually, if it's Trauma (probably too gory for 8pm), L&O at 8pm and Trauma at 9pm.

Thursday:

- 8pm: new sitcom (8:30-10pm stay as they are now with Parks & Recreation, The Office, and 30 Rock)

Friday:

- 8pm: game show hour (where has Deal or No Deal been lately?)

- 9pm: Friday Night Lights in the spring... for fall, a 13-episode order of Medium (or Chuck... I'm going to be pushing for this, but I think Sundays instead of Fridays)?

Sunday (post-football):

- 8pm: Chuck (13-episodes to wrap up... please?) Or possibly Day One, but I didn't love the script and it's so special effects heavy that I need to see the screener before a making judgment.

- 9pm: Heroes (final season for 18-20 episodes, a few two-hour nights)

- 10pm: Southland (of all the NBC cop shows, I just can't see this as a 9pm show...) Unfortunately that means leaving it off the schedule for 8 months... but I don't see an option without a 10pm slot elsewhere.

Next Season - FOX

Ah, FOX. Always having fourth quarter problems. Here's a general suggestion... stop moving the shows that work from where they are in the spring. Take a lesson from CBS and, until Idol and 24 return in the winter, let stability be your friend so that you can market the new shows you're trying out instead of new days and timeslots for your existing shows. I wasn't in love with FOX's drama pilot scripts (outside of Glee, which I didn't read the script of, but saw the pilot and reviewed it ages ago and am in looooooove), so I don't have a ton of specific thoughts on replacement programming to try out.

Monday:

- 8pm: KEEP HOUSE WHERE IT IS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

- 9pm: Glee. The show is already picked up for the fall and will presumably be airing after Idol on Tuesdays in the winter. For the fall, give it the best lead-in available. Then 24 returns in the winter to 9pm. Fox may be tempted to put Maggie Hill, its quirky doctor who has schizophrenia drama, after House but I really do like Glee getting the big lead-in.

Tuesday:

- 8pm: Human Target. Probably the least offensive of FOX's fall pilot scripts, it might be a fun, action-adventure block fit with Fringe.

- 9pm: KEEP FRINGE WHERE IT IS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Even though, unlike House and Bones, Fringe isn't a proven performer on its own. When Idol comes around again, Fringe should be moved to make way for Glee.

Wednesday:

- I'm not sure what to do with FOX on Wednesday until Idol comes back. Lie To Me is winning its timeslot now... but the competition is nonexistent and LTM slips every week. I don't think FOX will have four live-action sitcoms worthy of the fall schedule (I mean, history dictates it will rarely have even one...), but try out a comedy block, perhaps at 9pm instead of 8pm (where it has failed the last could seasons). For some reason 'Til Death is coming back (though I'd say it's more likely that will be used on Fridays), and I've heard good things about Absolutely Fabulous. At 8pm, Fox might have a reality show up its sleeve that I'm unaware of.

Thursday:

- 8pm: KEEP BONES WHERE IT IS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

- 9pm: For some reason FOX is airing another cycle of Hell's Kitchen over the summer right after the winter/spring run... I don't get it. Save it for the fall. It's doing well in this highly competitive timeslot! But you can't air three cycles back to back. Anyway, I don't think FOX should try anything scripted here.

Friday:

- Another comedy block at 8pm, led by 'Til Death? Dollhouse gets at 13-episode reprieve at 9pm? Reality?

Sunday:

- 7pm and 7:30pm: Stick with repeats of the animated comedies. As King of the Hill showed last week, viewers just aren't flocking to Fox at 7pm.

- 8:30pm: American Dad! (it doesn't work as well as it should out of Family Guy, so put it post-Simpsons)

- 9:30pm: Cleveland (like with the Gossip Girl spin-off... popular character gets own show, put it on after the original series and hope it does better than AD! has)

Next Season - CBS

Like I said earlier this morning (Next Season's Network Fall Schedules), I don't predict CBS will be making as many drastic schedule reshaping moves as some have speculated recently. CBS is the most stable network, so I won't get into as many details as I have elsewhere.

Monday:

- 9:30pm: New comedy (seriously, BBT/HIMYM/2.5Men should NOT be broken up... they work!) Once again, Rules of Engagement saved for midseason (or tried out on Wednesdays). Keep in mind I haven't read any of the comedies for the Big Four (and don't pay a ton of attention to reality series in the works), so I can't comment on them as far as which should be picked up or if CBS will add more more comedy (or reality) slots to its schedule (it's possible).

Tuesday:

- 10pm: New drama. As I advised ABC with the Brothers & Sisters move, without NBC in the mix here (with its historically timeslot winning Law & Order: SVU)... this is an opportunity for CBS to fix a timeslot it hasn't had a big hit in for years. Without a Trace is out. It's old, expensive, and loses 25% of its The Mentalist lead-in. The question is... where will CBS put the NCIS spin-off? Tuesday at 10pm is certainly a potential spot... after all, if the NCIS audience sticks around for The Mentalist why wouldn't they for the spin-off? Then again, the NCIS spin-off will have some buzz behind it that CBS may want to utilize on a different night. Unlike my advice for CW with the Gossip Girl spin-off, CBS doesn't need to protect the NCIS spin-off (or franchise extension), but can treat it like the CSI franchises.

Where was I? Anyway, for now, let's just say something new needs to go here. I'm going to suggest not the spin-off and, rather, The Good Wife. As a legal show, it's somewhat outside the normal CBS crime drama oeuvre, but it's script surprised me. It's definitely a character piece, much like The Mentalist.

Wednesday:

- 8pm: New comedy block. I don't think Old Christine or Gary Unmarried performed well enough to warrant renewals... one of them might get renewed, but I don't think both. If either are renewed, I'd say Old Christine because ABC is baiting CBS with the old "we'll take it if you don't" trick. An alternative: RoE (plus new comedy). A second alternative: The Amazing Race (which doesn't belong on Sundays behind 60 Minutes), and Wednesday at 8pm is a very, very weak time period. TAR would win the hour with its current ratings and the current competition. Still, I see TAR staying on Sundays where it will continue to be incompatible with its lead-in.

Thursday:

- 10pm: Washington Field. Could also be NCIS spin-off or The Good Wife, but I like WF here.

Friday:

- 9pm: Final(?) season of Cold Case.

Sunday (the only day I really see CBS making sweeping changes, well not at 7pm obviously):

- 8pm: If TAR moves to Wednesdays at 8pm, House Rules (a very non-CBS show... soapy 30-somethings, DC, politics... as it's not a crime drama, I think it can go in the 8pm hour). Not likely, though.

- 9pm: NCIS spin-off / franchise extension. Capitalize on TAR's demo, um, strength, and the NCIS franchise has proven itself against Idol, I think that the situation could be the same against football on NBC in the fall.

- 10pm: New drama. CBS may be tempted to try one of its medical dramas, none of which I liked from the script (Miami Trauma, The Eastmans, and Three Rivers). As I didn't like them, I would say try out the US Attorneys show, which would definitely be male skewing (to play against ABC's female skewing Sunday). Or, perhaps, see how The Unit does after a more male-skewing lead-in than Cold Case.

Next Season - CW

Oh, CW. You conundrum.

Monday:

- 8pm: Gossip Girl. Sticking with it.

- 9pm: Lily (possibly titled Valley Girl, which works MUCH better IMHO). Don't make the mistake ABC did when spinning off Private Practice from Grey's Anatomy. Be more like Buffy and Angel. Program the spin-off after the original series from the get-go (even if, in this case, a popular character from the original isn't leaving to star in the spin-off). I haven't read the script, I haven't seen the backdoor pilot, but everyone expects this spin-off to be a go series.

Tuesday:

- 8pm: 90210. Deal with it being at 8pm. It hasn't performed much better at 9pm, away from Idol, unlike how Gossip Girl improved when moved to Mondays at 8pm. Use it as a lead-in.

- 9pm: Melrose Place. The obvious choice, I know. Again, script unread, sight unseen, but people expect it to be a go series. Putting the two remakes of old Fox series together isn't necessarily a stroke of genius, but it is a stroke of likeliness and obviousness.

Wednesday:

- 8pm: America's Next Top Model for two cycles, ANTM spin-off Operation Fabulous between cycles. I don't see OF as being strong enough to carry its own hour, and if it was tried at 9pm and failed, CW would be left with another season of using the post-ANTM timeslot for nothing but repeats of one of its drama series, diluting the ratings of the series' first run (seriously, 90210's actual numbers are so blurry for me because it has almost always had a next day rerun).

- 9pm: Vampire Diaries. I haven't done my review of this pilot, but despite my feelings that its oh-so been-there-done-that... one, the CW doesn't seem to really be against retreading old material, and two, I can see it working (despite it not being much more than a talkative version of Twilight). Without a connection to either Gossip Girl or 90210... I say put this in the post-ANTM marquis spot.

Thursday:

- 8pm: Final(?) season of Smallville.

- 9pm: Final(?) season of Supernatural (at least fans tell me that the showrunner has said he mapped out a five season story). Thursdays have worked this season for CW. As long as both components are coming back... don't mess with it.

Friday:

- 8pm: Final(?) season of One Tree Hill. I put this here because I do think the Gossip Girl spin-off will nab the post-GG timeslot, and because of what I'm going to suggest for Sundays.

- 9pm: The Body Politic. Another show I haven't reviewed, and it has the odds stacked against it, being a twenty-something-in-politics show. Hence... put it on after the twenty-something soap opera. The other option if The Beautiful Life (or, actually, a second season of Privileged, which has been rumored for Fridays), but I prefer twenty-somethings in politics over the modeling scripted series in part because I far prefer Minka Kelly to Mischa Barton.

Sunday - give it back to the affiliates. CW doesn't have the money to program more original dramas, and its not developing any comedies (and OF is the original reality show it's developing if I recall correctly... and it's quite possible I don't). If it keeps 7-10pm on Sundays, maybe move my Friday block to 8-10pm on Sundays preceded by a 7pm repeat (i.e. ANTM like in CW's premiere season)... but there are going to be regularly scheduled repeats somewhere on the CWs schedule if it needs to program Sundays... and I abhor regularly scheduled repeats. The movie block has done slightly better than the Jericho repeats, but well enough to warrant another season? I'm not sure.

Next Season - ABC

ABC's big problem: too many holes to fill. Even if its pilots are all amazing, they have to learn from the last two years and not spread their marketing so thin than none of them succeed. Which means that ABC, as I see it, is going to have some rough patches next season, but will hopefully not be entirely bleak.

Monday:

- 8-10pm/8-9:30pm: ABC will be fine with DWTS here and The Bachelor worked this season between cycles.

- 9:30pm: New comedy (though I'd wonder if the network will burn off the remaining Samantha Who? episodes here... the odd thing about the post-DWTS comedy slot is that, since DWTS's duration is so erratic, you really only get 6-7 episodes with the lead-in per cycle)

- 10pm: New drama (though if ABC is going to stick with any of its midseason replacements, it's going to be Castle and ABC may be curious to see how it will do when it doesn't have NBC to compete with... still, my advice is PROGRAM AGGRESSIVELY)

Tuesday:

- 8-9pm: New comedy block (if the network is sticking with Samantha Who? for another season, it may put it at 8:30pm here behind a new comedy and just pray that, unlike the In The Motherhood experiment, the lead-in succeeds). OR Ugly Betty. This timeslot, no matter what is put here, will be massacred when Idol returns. No stopping that. Ugly Betty's final season as sacrificial lamb?

- 9pm: DWTS Results show. Some reality show fodder between cycles (if it works this summer... Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?)

- 10pm: Brothers & Sisters. Again, ABC needs to program aggressively. That means taking B&S away from the post-Desperate Housewives so that can be put to good use leading into a new series. B&S has its own audience (the 2-hour "movie event" proved that). NBC won't be here next season and the timeslot is traditionally weak for CBS.

Wednesday:

- 8pm: Flash Forward. This is the timeslot that ABC launched Lost in. It is the weakest timeslot, competition-wise, on the Sun-Thurs schedule. Lie To Me won last night with a 2.3. A 2.3. Granted, CBS's comedies were in repeat, but even in originals they haven't averaged a 2.3 since the fall. Programming FF on Wednesdays at 8pm would also, for the most part, get it out of the way of American Idol in the winter/spring.

- 9pm: Lost come late January / early February. Until then, I suggest a comedy block. Better Off Ted hasn't been killing in the ratings, but it has been pretty decent (for ABC and comedy) and holds its Scrubs lead-in. If ABC has another male-skewing comedy in its development, group that with BOT and see what happens.

- 10pm: Good luck, ABC! Hah, no, seriously... I haven't done my reviews of either Empire State (Romeo and Juliet between 30-somethings from a real estate magnate family and from a construction union family) or Inside the Box (hardnosed female news reporter in DC), but if either of those pilots are good, try them out here. It's an exciting opportunity at 10pm across the board with NBC out of the mix, but one thing ABC can't do is try crime dramas anywhere CBS has a crime drama.

Thursday:

- 8pm: ABC really ought to move Ugly Betty out of this timeslot next season. Really not sure what to put here in its place, though, since the comedy block idea failed (might just have been those comedies).

- 9pm-11pm: Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice. If it's, um, working... ish?

Friday/Saturday - I have no opinions.

Sunday:

- 7pm: America's Funniest Home Videos ain't going anywhere.

- 8pm: Neither is Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

- 9pm: ... or Desperate Housewives.

- 10pm: Eastwick.

Major marketing pushes: Brothers & Sisters move, Flash Forward, Eastwick because I really do believe that all of those should be where I put them. Not knowing about comedy blocks or Ugly Betty's timeslot, I can't recommend anything... but three major pushes is really the limit for ABC. Unfortunately that leaves Wednesday at 10pm out in the cold... but, y'know what... ABC just has to deal with the fact that it's going to take time to fully rebuild its schedule and it has to do it by really pushing certain things hard, not doing mediocre jobs promoting too many new series.

Next Season's Network Fall Schedules

... are not things I have access to.

There's been a LOT of noise in the last week or so about CBS getting ready for some MAJOR changes in its schedule, and I wanted to say that you should count me as skeptical.

This is the network that just this season reaped the benefits of patience with NCIS, The Big Bang Theory, and How I Met Your Mother. By not shaking their schedule up all the time, these series exploded in the ratings this season.

On the other hand... the CSI franchise is flagging on Mondays and Wednesdays at 10pm and Thursday at 9pm and many of the CSI-like series are aging (Without a Trace, Cold Case, Numb3rs, and Criminal Minds... the first two or which are "on the bubble" with WaT an expected cancellation and Cold Case getting its last run next season).

So, this week and last, CBS has made some interesting scheduling moves that have signaled changes ahead. Or has it? Last Tuesday it aired an original episode of WaT after repeats of NCIS and The Mentalist. This Tuesday is bumped NCIS and The Mentalist up an hour and aired repeats of BBT and Two and a Half Men. Wanna know what it didn't do? Air originals out of their regular time period. This, for me, was more about season averages than testing the waters for a move. I mean, really, CBS has made amazing strides on Tuesdays this season... all it needs to do is find a new hit at 10pm (a spot that has been "cursed" in the past... but y'know what? Law & Order: SVU is vacating next season thanks to Jay Leno, so there won't be the major competition any longer). Last night's 10pm airing of Criminal Minds also is a no-brainer for me to justify... why air an original surrounded by repeats and against American Idol when you can air it after a repeat of itself, in a different timeslot, and not deal with season average loss? At the same time, Criminal Minds is one show I actually can see CBS moving to a different night. It's a proven hit and its current lead-out (CSI: NY) is not dependent on its ratings.

Anyway, I'm going to be taking a look at each of the networks and weighing in on what I think they need and what needs to change...

Pilot Script Review - Eastwick

EASTWICK

Written By: Maggie Friedman

Draft Date: January 9, 2009

Pages: 65

Network: ABC

Category: Thumbs Up

This is an easy thumbs up for me. The show is based on the classic film The Witches of Eastwick, though the cast won't exactly be Cher, Sarandon, and Pfeiffer. The script stays very true to the story and tone of the movie, though it obviously doesn't end the story of the girls and Darryl Van Horne. Unlike the failed Eastwick project at Fox a few years ago, the series does not pick up later in the story of Alexandra (Cher), Jane (Sarandon), and Sukie (Pfeiffer) and their children. Rather, it follows three new women discovering magical powers and the temptation and threats of the mysterious Mr. Van Horne. This time around, the women are...

- Roxie (Rebecca Romjin), an artist / owner of an art shop (much like Alexandra), dating a much younger man (Matt Dallas) and has a smart-aleck 15-year old daughter.

- Kat (Jamie Ray Newman), who has five children (shades of Lynette Scavo) and a straining relationship with her husband, Raymond.

- Joanna (Lindsay Price), a shy reporter at the local paper (much like Sukie)

Unlike in the movie, the girls do not start out as the best of friends (nor are all of them single). In fact, Roxie is something of an outcast in Eastwick. Roxie also has prophetic dreams in this pilot, not all about the man she and the other two girls unwittingly summon to the town... a man, apparently, is going to try and kill her (oh and she meets him at the end of the pilot... rut ruh!) The families of the witches have a much larger presence in the pilot (and, presumably, the series) than they did in the film.

My argument for why this series is a no-brainer for a pick-up, besides the fact that it's similar to stuff that's been on TV in the past (it's like a cross of Charmed and Desperate Housewives) but also difference enough that it will play fresh and is just plain fun... is the pilot's director: David Nutter. As soon as he signed onto the project, it went from "hm, I'll have to see it" to "where is it going on the fall schedule." The man is 14 for 14 in the last 14 pilot seasons. He directs something, it gets picked up. It may not get picked up and become a massive, long-lasting hit, but it gets picked up (most recent pilots: The Mentalist, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Traveller, Supernatural).

If Eastwick does not get picked up it will, literally, be the biggest surprise of pilot season. As such, I'm eager to see what Nutter does with this material that has been mined before to varying degrees of success.

Top 7 Redux

Briefly... this pre-double-elimination performance show was, for me, essentially a repeat of the first time around. Adam, Kris, Danny, and Allison (in that order) performed very well (in fact, I think that Adam's version of "If I Can't Have You" will become a prom night slow dance staple this year?) while Matt, Anoop, and Lil floundered. Unlike last week, though, I think based on the performances, Matt should be the one of those three who stays. We shall see.

The Facts Are These

Going to the Paley Festival Pushing Daisies event to see the final three episodes of Pushing Daisies. Looking forward to it! May report back, but I don't like to spoil things (I'm sure there will be spoilers elsewhere).

Pilot Script Review - Light Years

LIGHT YEARS

Written By: Liz Tigelaar

Draft Date: May 21, 2008 (another draft date from long ago meaning that, hopefully, the project has undergone significant revisions)

Pages: 59

Network: CW

Category: Thumbs Down

Cate Campbell is a Seattle radio talk show / disc jockey in a burgeoning relationship with her co-host, Ryan. Nick "Baze" Basile, a slacker who runs a bar, is Cate's high school ex, hasn't spoke to her in years. They had a daughter together fifteen years ago, but gave her up. Lux happens to be that daughter, hates the foster system, and because she's trying to emancipate herself, meets her biological parents (because she needs one / both or them to sign some paper, or something). Inanity ensues and though the judge ultimately won't emancipate the 15-year old Lux (because, um, she's incredibly young and has no source of income...), that's okay because just by being in Baze and Cate's lives for a couple days, she manages to bring them together and form some sort of proto-family, despite Cate and Baze both having romantic interests.

The show basically plays like Knocked Up, 15-years later, if Katherine Heigl never agreed to let Seth Rogen into her life. Hell, Cate and Baze seem to have pretty much the same characters surrounding them (Baze's slacker buds, Cate her professional cohorts at the radio station). But... it's not funny or endearing and Lux can be such an "I can take care of myself, screw you all" ice queen that, even with all the odds stacked against her, I found it hard to root for her.

Thumbs way down. I'm going to need coaxing to even watch the screener, should I get my hands on it.

Pilot Script Review - Happy Town

HAPPY TOWN

Written By: Josh Appelbaum, & André Nemec & Scott Rosenberg

Draft Date: January 22, 2009

Pages: 94 (two-hour pilot)

Network: ABC

Category: Jury's Out

Here's a script that I *do* wish I'd reviewed closer to the time of reading. As a "Jury's Out" review, I feel like there's an added need to justify the categorization beyond "I loved it" and "I hated it." The reason I put Happy Town in the "Jury's Out" category is because, frankly, it's a jumbled mess. There are too many characters, too ill-defined on the page, too quickly (I don't think many new characters are introduced in the second half of the script). However, a lot of that confusion can easily be cleared up on the screen (or, conversely, made more confusing by bad execution). The script being a two-hour pilot also put me in "Jury's Out" mode. Two-hour pilots (hell, even extended pilots) need to be something special... after all, you're asking studios and networks to drop more cash into a project that may not see its way to the fall (or midseason) schedule. Lost was special (and even it aired as two separate episodes). Happy Town is, well, jumbled and I wonder if streamlining the story to an hour, getting rid of some of the characters, and really setting up the "oooh, mysterious happenings in a small town" conceit more smoothly would have made me love it.

After all, this is a series that desperately wants to be the next Twin Peaks. I would love it if this series were the next Twin Peaks. But let's be honest... there is never going to be a next Twin Peaks. Also, do you trust the people who ran the American version of Life on Mars (and wrote its much-derided ending) to write the next Twin Peaks? No? Me neither (and I didn't even watch Life on Mars...)

God knows it tries, what with the ominous "Blue Door" (cough Black Lodge, Red Room, cough) and the central mystery of the "Magic Man" (who kidnapped kids years ago from the town, was never caught, and has now apparently returned and kidnapped a kid). The pilot is more concerned with a murder that takes place in the opening moments. We see the victim, but not the killer. The murder is solved in the pilot — someone murdered Jerry Friddle because that someone erroneously believed poor hapless Jerry was the Magic Man.

Happy Town takes place in Haplin, Minnesota, a small town with a bread-making factory. It is centered... sort of (there are, like 50 characters)... on the Conroy family (the grandfather is the county sheriff). But we also meet the mayor (a woman!), her family, some criminal elements, plenty of other residents, and even members of the old folks home / boarding house (where the Mysterious New Girl In Town winds up staying). Haplin is called Happy Town because it has been for the last seven years (since the kidnappings stopped when Sheriff Conroy chased the Magic Man out of town... or something... since the Magic Man was never identified...)

The first half, though filled with too many characters, plays fine. The second half is where things get very, very, very, very weird (kickstarted with Sheriff Conroy going nuts and chopping his own hand off). In addition we get some very "see, we're just like Twin Peaks!" stuff with the introduction of the "Blue Door" as well as the introduction of "Handsome Sam" who drugs a teenage girl's drink and then she's, like, maybe raped or something? I dunno, it was all very... weird. Oh, and we find out that The Mysterious New Girl In Town has a tattoo of some mark found around Haplin and with literature about the kids kidnapped / vanished / whatever you want to call it by the Magic Man (a question mark with a halo).

So I remain confused. But... there is potential here. And things could turn out well on the screen. This could fit in on ABC. I can definitely see that... if the execution of the pilot is excellent and it winds up far more coherent and compelling than the script.

We shall see...

Pilot Script Review - Flash Forward

FLASH FORWARD

Written By: David S. Goyer & Brannon Braga

Draft Date: November 12, 2008

Pages: 58

Network: ABC

Category: Thumbs Up

You're going to be hearing a lot about Flash Forward in the coming weeks / months. This one is an all-but-guaranteed pick-up for ABC, and while being heralded (already) as the inheritor of the post-Lost slot, a better thought comes to mind... premiere FF in the fall on Wednesdays at 8pm (that's where Lost started). THERE ARE NO MAJOR HITS ON WEDNESDAYS AT 8PM RIGHT NOW... PROGRAM AGGRESSIVELY, NETWORKS! Then let Lost air its final season at 9pm leading out of FF once FF is a massive hit. Which ABC needs it to be. There's an article I won't link to because of sheer indifference making its way around los interwebz today about how Steve McPherson needs a hit next season. This is true. And, in my holy opinion with the screeners not seen (I have the feeling I'm going to be clarifing with that caveat a lot in these reviews), ABC has two really good shots at major fall hits. Interesting the two potential hits are kind of similar to ABC's network revitalizing hits from Fall 2004 — Lost and Desperate Housewives. PS, the other show is Eastwick. I'll get to that script... later... probably not today (as I'm not just running through my Thumbs Up category first... gotta sprinkle some bad reviews in here!) but maybe this weekend?

Also, in case you didn't know, Flash Forward is based on a novel of the same name by Robert J. Sawyer. I haven't read the novel, so there will be no comparisons here.

When I first read the pilot, months ago, I was like "and...?" Which, of course, is part of the genius of the script. Much like Lost's pilot, FF demands that you ask "and then what happens?" My reaction to the script definitely included that question, but another part of me desperately wanted some form of open-and-shut story to happen in the pilot, simply because I knew that heavily serialized shows were on the way out and I liked the script enough to want it to see the light of day. It's a lot of set-up for what's to come. But what's to come seems so very cool that I'll forgive the show — and if you buy into the hype, ABC will as well — for being so heavily serialized (something I will not be as forgiving of to other pilots). Why am I so forgiving? Because, again like Lost (okay, I'm stopping the comparisons now), FF is very character based. There are real emotions, real drama that is going on... it just happens to take place against the backdrop of "HOLY EFF EVERYONE ON THE PLANET BLACKED OUT FOR 157 SECONDS" and later we find out that almost everyone also had a vision of an event six about months after the "present" of the pilot (April 19, 2010 for those playing at home... it happens to be a Monday...) and that our main character, FBI Special Agent Mark Benford, is going to be running a special project trying to piece it all together (because while debriefing at the Los Angeles field office, he brings up that "blacking out" isn't exactly the right word, they all start talking about it being a dream that felt real, like a hallucination, yadda yadda yadda).

To talk about the show's plot would be to give things away. Many of the great moments are simple human moments, like someone who didn't have a vision of the future realizing it might just mean he's going to die in the next six months, or some massively logical thing that you'd never think of, like... um, if everyone driving on the freeway blacked out there would be one MAJOR pile up (or, on the less huge but no less catastrophic level... a balloon floating in the air because the people holding it blacked out... nice touch). There are conspiracy theories, of course, and mysteries the audience will be trying to figure out.

The things that I really liked about the script of Flash Forward are (a) how grounded it is (see above), (b) how the major event happens at the end of the first act / teaser break and everything thereafter is human drama as opposed to special-effects driven craziness, and (c) how it starts from a very specific character's point of view and then expands out, instead of shoving a handful of different characters at us and eventually bringing them together.

We start with Mark Benford, meet his wife (Olivia) and daughter (Charlie...), meet the kid's babysitter (Nicole), Mark's AA sponsor (Aaron), and Mark's FBI partner (Dominic) all through Mark's POV and all in the first 6 pages. It's organic, natural, feels less choppy, and yet we've still met a number of the characters we're going to be following in the pilot. The only character seemingly disconnected from Mark that we follow is Bryce, a man who has going to commit suicide, but because of the black out incident, doesn't (and, y'know, sees it as a sign). Turns out that he's a young doctor is the hospital where Olivia works, so, there is a connection after all.

I've heard from sources at the studio that (a) the pilot is costing a pretty penny, and (b) that while sometimes the studio dumps a lot of money into pilots and it doesn't show up on the screen, the dailies of FF look amazing. I could not be more eager to see a screener, because that's where the magic really is.

ABC is going to be betting on FF. Big time.

Pilot Script Review - Washington Field

Hey! Guess what I finally remembered to do?

Actually, it's really a combination of being truly exhausted from writing my own stuff. Not that any of it is completely done, but, well, my brains are tired. So... apologies for the delay (but, yes, I'm getting to it before screeners start pouring out).

Part of me wishes I'd posted reviews as I was reading the scripts (or, rather, that night after I got home from reading on the elliptical... yes, I'm *that* guy). I'm fairly certain you wish I had, too.

But as a side effect, the amount of time between reading the scripts has actually made certain projects stand out more (for either their awesome or their suck). It's now about three weeks since I read the last of the network drama pilots, and I'm going to start out with those that, for me, still really stand out, and work my way back to those than I was just like "meh" to.

Without further delay...

WASHINGTON FIELD

Written By: Ed Bernero

Draft Date: unknown (but before January 29th, which is when I got it... yes, I know, I really should've been doing my reviews as I read them instead of reading everything and letting things stack up)

Pages: 64

Network: CBS

Category: Thumbs Up

Let's get one thing out of the way. I do not like Criminal Minds. I have to say that because Ed Bernero has run CM since the post-pilot episode (the pilot and the first five minutes of the Super Bowl episode are all I've really watched of that series). The fact that I do not like CM will in no way, shape, or form color my opinion of WF.

So let's get right out and say it... this pilot script rocked when I read it months ago, and the impression in my head remains the same. I have every reason to believe, screener unseen and purely based on the page (like all of these reviews will be), that this is going to be on CBS's schedule next season. Potentially after CSI on Thursdays. Why? Because...

Washington Field is a high-adrenaline, explosive crime-drama about a unit of FBI agents in Washington, DC featuring (at least what the script indicates... still up to casting) a very multi-ethnic cast. The elite team of agents has a very hi-tech, flashy command center featuring "The Board", of which the script tells the reader to think of Minority Report. It's "a repository for clues and information as the investigation progresses" and, besides being really flashy in and of itself, will allow for what will hopefully be some pretty neat, smooth transitions from the command center to the field agents. All of which screams, to me, easily marketable and potentially very successful.

The pilot case involves a serial bomber / maybe-terrorist in the DC area. 'Nuff said. I mean, you know how this plays out. Things blow up. People die. They get him or her or them in the end.

The opening act, of course, starts off with an explosion. This is a crime show, after all. Immediately after, we get a typically staggered, intended to be iconic introduction to each of our main characters as they get the news that they've got work to do. I'll note where names have been changed, either to go with casting choices or because of legal clearances (at least per the IMDb page, which doesn't have all of the characters nor all of the roles cast).

- Special Agent Jackie Palmer (played by Gina Torres), a pilot, is driving a motorcycle around an FBI practice course (conveniently right next to a highway, so once she gets the message she can just kick her bike outta there and into action)

- SA Tommy O'Donnell (renamed Eddie Lopez, played by Eddie Cibrian), an investigator, and SA Amanda O'Donnell (now Amanda Lopez, played by Teri Polo), a medical forensics doctor, are on some form of vacation / leave, celebrating their 10th anniversay. It's cut short.

- SA Pham Nyugen (renamed Mark Chen, played by Matthew Yang Kim) is teaching some marines how to not get themselves blown up

- SA Richard Stone (renamed Raymond Stone, played Cole Hauser) is the squad leader

- Dean Jameson (played by Adam Jamal Craig) is the IT guy in control of The Board

- Rasha Hamali, a linguistics expert and analyst for the FBI

- SA Terri Toner, the media liaison

I still don't know if I'm going to watch the series. I have to wait for the screener. You know me and CBS... I just don't watch any of their crime dramas. They solve a murder or a missing person's case every week and... with few exceptions there's nothing else there to engage me. I love me some serialized content, even if it's just a continuing UST relationship (see FOXs Bones). I remember loving The Mentalist pilot then being massively let down by the extremely formulaic, open-and-shut second episode (I've heard Red John has reared his head in a couple episodes, so I may eventually find my way back to TM over the summer... but in-season Tuesdays at 9pm are very crowded for me!)

What was my point? Oh, yes. It remains to be seen whether this show will give attention to the characters, or whether every episode is just a terrorism case or murder or what have you to be solved and little more, with characters simple cogs in the narrative machine. I'm hopeful, with the inclusion of the death of a member of the team in the pilot, that there will some continuing threads. In addition, two members of the team are married, so there's definitely potential for relationship stuff, rather. But this being CBS, I'm sure it won't be much. And, frankly, for the success and longevity of the show... it shouldn't be. CBS obviously knows how to do these shows and do them right.

Still. Can't wait to see the pilot.

Top 7

Movie tune night! I don't like how much time they spent talking about last week's overrun and that Simon won't be critiquing all of the contestants (because only two judges will be critiquing each singer). Ridiculous (if true).

I question Allison's choice of a song that David Cook nailed last season. Her take on "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" is very faithful to Aerosmith, but it doesn't have the fireworks Cookie had. Is it me or is she starting to sound hoarse (on both belting notes and on non-belting notes)? Glad Simon gives her a big endorsement, it's totally true with how bad Lil has flailed at the performance stage. Allison is the female frontrunner.

Anoop is singing Bryan Adams ("Everything I Do"). What is this, Scott MacIntyre? Oh, god. I'm concerned, though I dunno if I'd go for the, um, gruff that Quentin was recommending? Why is Anoop wearing a letterman jacket? His preppy look usually works, but not tonight (it went form preppy collegiate to high school). I think that I can tell Anoop that it's not worth dying for. Randy and Kara love it. Maybe I was prejudiced from the song choice?

Adam is singing "Born To Be Wild." YAYZ, go Princess! OMG, Emo!Shag is back! Is it just me or is Adam just kind of having a little rock concert during his performance instead of, y'know, playing the role of contestant on Idol? Which I'm all for. Really. Because WE ALL KNOW HOW THIS SEASON ENDS. Not my favorite performance, but he had to go uptempo after last week's "Mad World" (or, maybe, he should have just sung "Mad World" again...? Donnie Darko, what?) Definitely a performance the haters of the Adam Lamber Shriek will not like. Notice that Simon is commenting on Allison and Adam, but not Anoop? I wonder if Simon has chosen who he's going to critique? PS, Paula: "Fortune favors the brave"?

Ugh, Matt Giraud is also singing Bryan Adams ("Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman")? Okay, um, hi... Anoop is not Scott MacIntyre tonight. Matt is. Me go sleeps now? Ooof, there's a LOT of pitch problems. And melody changing. And sheer suck.

Danny singing "Endless Love" ... okay, not the song I'd have picked (um, far from?) but I'll bite. Also... no glasses? Danny needs teeth whitener. OMG, Quentin's "stick your hands in your pockets and stop gesturing you crazy person, let it come out in your voice and eyes" advice is right on. Once again, though... Danny fails to heed some great advice (perviously: not singing some words her was advised to during "Get Ready"). Unlike Matt and Anoop, even though it was a slow ballad, it's really expertly sung. But, like Simon says (ugh... really wish I hadn't typed that...) it's very traditional. Also, check the dead wife story! Remember that?

The other contestants should be afraid because Kris is singing the perfect song in "Falling Slowly" from Once. What a great, subdued song. What a great, subdued movie. What a great, subdued performance (although, to be fair... it's not like he reinvented the song, he sang it pretty much entirely the same way it was in the movie just like Gokey... it's just that this was the perfect choice... wish he'd done falsetto towards the end instead of taking a beat and belting the key change). This week is everything last week wasn't. It'd be really interested to see him do the song with nothing but him and the piano (and him playing the song). Barring a surprising turn from Lil... night goes to Kris (oh, who are we kidding, night goes to Princess Lambert)? HOW THE HELL IS THIS AN OBSCURE SONG, IT WON THE GODDAMN OSCAR LAST YEAR. Sorry. I know, it's obscure. But WHY? IT'S SO PRETTY. Whatever. Randy is wrong. This particular judgment makes me really pissed the show didn't figure out how to fit it all into an hour (ONCE AGAIN... this week over by 3 minutes because Idol was already set to go to 9:01pm rather than end at 9pm) and let everyone, particularly Simon, speak out on all of the contestants. Seriously.

Lil sings "The Rose" and I think she's done. Stick a fork in her. Only thing saving her this week is, um... Matt, actually. There has to be a gospel song out there Lil could have sung, because that quarter-ish of the song was actually good. I get what she's saying to Simon, I do, but jeez, you wouldn't have to defend yourself if you PICKED THE RIGHT SONG, or even something in the right ballpark.

Bottom 3: Lil (staying if she's lucky...), Anoop, Matt (going home?)

Will the judges bust out the Judges Save if Lil is up for elimination? I don't think so at this point. That "tool" should really only be used if, say, for some awful reason Adam or Allison or Danny are voted off.

Oy

The last week has been so incredibly busy / packed / stressful (the combination of apartment hunting, birthday, Passover and Easter... well it's a lot to fit in!) Promise to start posting some pilot script reviews soon. Perhaps even tomorrow.

Cupid, Round 2: The Knock-Out Punch

Well, ain't no spinning the results form last night. Sorry, friends on the show. I anticipated some pretty steep drop-off because of commercial placement (last week the first commercial was at 10:22pm, last night the first commercial was at 10:07pm), but this drop-off is pretty rough, especially with Dancing with the Stars rebounding from its terrible numbers last week.

So, I guess the question becomes... does ABC air any more episodes of (let alone the rest of) Cupid? Or cut its losses and air, I dunno... do they have anything to repeat? Maybe try out Brothers & Sisters (repeats?) in the post-DWTS timeslot in advance of moving the show and trying to use the lead-in of Desperate Housewives to boost Eastwick next season?

Tie In!

Lol, the visitor from Fringe is in the Idol audience. Nice one, Fox.

Wow, the show must mean business tonight. No weird rock star judges introduction.

The oldest remaining contestant this season on Idol is only 4 years older than me :'(

I kinda just want to watch the show and not comment on each performance unless it demands it. I mean, come on. This contest is already decided. And everyone else is so boring.

Alas.

Gokey - "Stand By Me" - I've already kind of forgotten that his wife died. Need a reminder. He's pitchy at the beginning, but once it goes away from gospel it works.

Um, did Ryan just remind the audience that Idol is the number one show in America? Why? This interview with Kris = Kris doesn't know English good.

Kris - "All She Wants To Do Is Dance" - A bubble burst in Kris' ascendance in this competition. This is the least "Kris" performance thus far. Why does he even have that guitar with him? Too funky for this white guy (Lambert previous performance reference zing!) He's won enough fans to push him through.

Lil - "What's Love Got To Do With It" - Lil needs an amazing performance tonight. She's been floundering around the whole finals thus far. This song choice seems a step in the right direction and right category (I mean, versus Celine...) but it doesn't work. Poor Lil. Did she really used to be the frontrunner?

I don't recall this thing post-performance last week Ryan says "we have to talk about." Whatevs.

Anoop - "True Colors" - Zzz? The judges go gaga over it. If that's Anoop's version of "True Colors," it's not something I'd choose to hear again. Except in, like, a "put me to sleep" mix along with every one of Scott's performances?

Scott - "The Search Is Over" - Speaking of... wow, one of the oddest video packages this season. He's got a guitar instead of the piano. But when the song starts, he's not playing it. Weird. I was going to make some sort of "tit-for-tat" comment about how Kris played piano last week. Scott eventually strums out some chords. Having him standing and performance instead of at the piano is awkward, actually, because he's visually impaired and thus doesn't know where the camera is at any time to mug it.

Allison - "I Can't Make You Love Me" - WHAT? NO NIRVANA? I would've died if she sang "Come As You Are." Dunno if it would've been the right song choice, but I'd have died? Unlike Anoop, Allison's slow song didn't bore me to sleep. It was a change of pace because she's usually all rock-edge-crazy.

Matt - "Part Time Lovers" - Well, he's definitely dressed like Justin Timberlake circa 2002 / "Justified"... solid. Judges rush through any critique because...

SONOFABITCH LAMBERT IS CUT OFF. Grrr argh. DAMN YOU, LIVE SHOW TIME MANAGEMENT.

Oh. Wait. I recorded Fringe. Forgot I had season passed it after the show's post-Idol return in January was much better, quality-wise.

Princess Lambert - "Mad World" - Another stripped down Lambert performance. And his hair's totally under control. ZOMG! Amazing how he out-sings everyone in the competition (by a country mile) while sitting on a chair. He almost gets through the performance without a scream (and, by the Lambert standard, it's really not a scream). Haunting. And almost entirely in falsetto... good lord. Well, we know one of the songs he'll be performing in the finals.

Bottom Three - Lil, Scott (going home??? pweeze?), either Allison (because America doesn't vote for her for some reason...) or Kris (who was sub-awesome tonight)

Diagnosis: Murder

About halfway through tonight's Very Special Episode of House. House thinks it was murder and I just totally flashed to Diagnosis Murder. This episode is totally going to turn into doctors trying to solve a murder, isn't it?

Emergency Love Letter

I have very little to say about the ER finale except to say that it was touching, fulfilling, and pretty much hit all the right notes. Some people will be bummed that it simply ended without really ending, but for a series that has been on for so long and has had such a revolving door of cast members and no main narrative to it other than to tell gripping stories about a Chicago hospital, patients, and doctors... it didn't need to "end" anything. In fact, it shouldn't have. These characters' lives go on and we pretty much have an idea of where their lives are headed next (this was the same feeling I got a few weeks ago from "Old Times," the episode with Clooney and Margulies...) It was great to check in with Drs. Lewis, Weaver, Corday, and Benton and... in the biggest surprise for me, Rachel Greene. Who is becoming a med student and interviewing at County.

Warm fuzzies, people. This is the way to end a series.

Also, the retrospective at 8pm was fantastic (thanks, whoever put it together, for focusing a lot on the original characters and actors). I got very choked up at times, remembering episodes from long ago.

A Game of Thrones

So... I couldn't decide where / how to start off my pilot script reviews. Seriously, I was just kind of catatonic / paralyzed for about 15 minutes. Do I start with my favorite from the list (Pilot Script Reviews... Forthcoming!)? Go to a "jury's out"? Just get all the terrible ones out of the way? SHRUG. I've kind of figured it out, but decided to start with a review of something that wasn't actually included in those categories because this is the project that excites me the most.

A GAME OF THRONES

Written by David Benioff

Draft Date: July 12, 2008 (60 pages)

A GAME OF THRONES is an adaptation of George R R Martin's not-yet-finished epic fantasy cycle "A Song of Ice and Fire" ("A Game of Thrones" is the title of the first novel in the cycle). I feel obligated to start this review by saying that "A Game of Thrones" is, without a doubt and by a considerable margin, the best fantasy book I have ever read.

So the script had a big hurdle to jump, in my head. At the same time, it would take a lot for me to not love the fact that this project is going to shoot a pilot. I won't get into issues with delays in publication of new books in the series, as the only relevance that has to this pilot script is the question of "if it goes to series, and each season is roughly one book, what will happen if the books haven't been published yet?" Which, as they say, is a high-class problem to have.

A GAME OF THRONES, the script, is one of the most literal adaptations I've ever read. A lot of dialogue is word-for-word from the book. And the script takes its time. It was a slow read because, my god, the paragraphs upon paragraphs of detail (which is very appreciated, because it means the writer actually cares about painting the vivid world GRRM created in as many detailed strokes as possible). You constantly hear about the trouble with adapting books to film and to TV. You can never do it perfectly, or satisfy all of the fans of the source material while making the project accessible enough for a mainstream audience that isn't familiar with the source. So, while this script is, truly, as faithful as possible to the source material, I still wonder if it will translate to the screen. The script didn't add anything to the source material, as far as what to expect visually (other than a credit sequence), and didn't cut out much. The only thing lost, as far as I can remember (it has been years and years since I read "A Game of Thrones"), is the POV storytelling device employed by GRRM (each chapter is told from the limited POV of a certain character), something that obviously had to go.

Really want to know what the plot is? Read the novel. You won't be sorry.

In broad strokes, as with the novel, the pilot follows three separate (and differently weighted) stories.

The main story revolves around the events after the death of "The Hand of the King" (basically, the guy who runs the kingdom). King Robert Baratheon decides to make his old friend Eddard "Ned" Stark the new Hand, and brings his wife, Queen Cersei, their children (Tommen, Myrcella, and Crown Prince Joffrey) and much of Cersei's family (the Lannisters, we specifically get to Cersei's brothers Jamie, a warrior, and Tyrion, an intelligent-and-vulgar dwarf) to Ned's domain in the North of the Seven Kingdoms, called Winterfell. We meet Ned, his wife Catelyn, his sons Robb and Bran (and toddler Rickon, but not really), his bastard son Jon Snow, and his two daughters Sansa and Arya (both of whom are underserved in the pilot script... Sansa is a lady, Arya is a tomboy who wants to play with swords instead of knit, and that's pretty much what we get). A lot of politics, a lot of personal history between characters is discussed, and some of the historical events that happened before the pilot are mentioned. The pilot ends with Bran's discovery of a certain illicit relationship (and the fallout from his discovery). Again, read the books. I don't want to spoil the surprise. The story really focused more on the Starks than I've laid out above, but it was the easiest way to summarize the plot events. The hook in the story is that the dead Hand (Jon Arryn) was married to Ned's wife's sister (Lysa). Lysa sent a message to Catelyn that foul play was at work in Jon's death.

The secondary story takes place far away from Winterfell (on another continent), and involves Daenerys ("Dany") and Viserys Targaryen, whose father used to be King of the Seven Kingdoms, but was deposed / had his throne usurped (depends on who you ask). Viserys believes he is the rightful king, but needs to build an army to take back his throne from Robert Baratheon. So he forces his young sister to marry the leader of a nation of "savages" (his word), Khal Drogo, the leader of the Dothraki (a nation of 40K+ horse-warriors). She eventually accepts this and marries Drogo.

The final, extremely tertiary, story takes place north of Winterfell, beyond The Wall (a barrier between the Seven Kingdoms and a cold, mysterious forest). Basically the only thing that happens in this story is that it's our creepy entrance to this world. We begin on three members of the Night's Watch (the people who patrol The Wall), two of whom are killed by disturbing non-human creatures called Others. The one man who escapes is beheaded by none other than Ned Stark (we first meet him performing this action) for being a deserter.

So... the pilot is very, very much set-up for what is to come. We get the hook that Ned will agree to go be the Hand of the King. We get the first step in the Targaryen journey. We get a hint of the supernatural danger looming beyond The Wall. And we get the cliffhanger ending of what Bran discovers and what happens after his discovery.

There is not a ton made of the religion of Westeros (the name of the continent of the Seven Kingdoms) in the pilot, though we do meet both Maesters (think priests) and Septas (think nuns).

Major characters from the novel not present in this pilot (due to the plot, not any oversight or removed material) include Varys, Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish, and Tywin Lannister (father of Queen Cersei, Jamie, and Tyrion).

Production is supposed to begin in October 2009... and I can't wait.

In Brief, Regarding Last Night

Lost - The pace of this season has really slowed down, but that doesn't mean the episodes are bad, per se. Last week's was. This week's episode ("What Happened, Happened"), considering it was Kate-centric, was really good. Very much character-based and it spelled out what happened off-Island with Aaron. I like it when the show allows itself to stray away from mythology and get back to emotions (don't get me wrong, I love the mythology, too... very excited for what seems to be our first look inside The Temple next week). Also had a hilarious runner with Miles trying to explain time travel to Hurley, and Hurley not getting it, not getting it, still not getting it, and POKING A GIANT HOLE IN THE THEORY (if Sayid shot Ben, how come Ben didn't remember that in season two when Sayid tortured him?) Which got explained by Richard, kinda-sorta. That line about "he will lose his innocence" was so wrong, though...

Damages - I'm not sure I entirely understand what happened. I mean, I know what happened (and all of it very quickly in the final minutes). But when did Patty start setting this play up? I missed any clues that were dropped, if any were dropped (seriously, though, Patty Ex Machina). This season started out with so much drive and just became a messy mess mess along the way (more so than the first season, which faltered in the middle but righted itself by the end). And why was Marcia Gay Harden in so little of the season considering she was in the opening credits (at least Ted Danson was sonly in the credits when he was appearing... and he was only in one scene last night... so weird...)? She only had, like, two scenes the entire season with Glenn Close. Disappointing. This season definitely didn't have the emotional hook the first season did. Hopefully the third/final season will be balls-to-the-wall awesome.

South Park - Very funny episode, glad the show did a "silly for silly's sake" episode after last week's episode about the economy (which was hilarious, but serious... I still laugh at the "chart" the government was using).

Scrubs - Weird that on a night that South Park did an episode about queefing (yeah... like I said, silly for silly's sake), Scrubs has a plotline about a female patient who refuses to fart (and it turns out is HIV positive...?)

Oh, Emo Model

Forget what I said a couple weeks ago about this season of Make Me A Supermodel. It is SUCH a guilty pleasure again. It took a little while to get over the format changes, but after a couple contestants were eliminated, personalities emerged (or the lack thereof) and the really bad models either left or started learning how to do the damn job.

There's Gabriel, aka Emo Model. He's so terribly entertaining for the wrong reasons, with his monotonous confessionals.

Then there's the Jordan/Amanda DRAMZ (also Amanda, who just gave birth to a baby boy, is in love with Gabriel).

Then there's Branden, who pissed me off in week one by being briefly a homophobe, but he's gotten over it. He's taken a couple good photos. So his personality is now "super horny 18-year old male." All he talks about is boobs and women.

There are some characters/contestants who haven't really popped yet. There's CJ, aka Female Emo Model. I don't even know what to make of her. I don't get much of a read off of Jonathan, the (extremely hot) British Model, either. Not a ton of personality form Sandhurst, too. He needs to drop his dancing background and start modeling. Laury apparently has fake breasts and "really wants it." Mountaha thinks she's edgy and punk, but I'm not convinced. And then there's Salome, who reminds me, look-wise, of Brittany from Top Model Season 8. She's bubbly and fun and performs well but isn't part of any of the crazy.

But, at the end of the day, the show is awesome this season because of Colin, aka VIRGIN MODEL. He's got a flirtationship with Kerryn, who is ALL ABOUT MAKING HIM SQUIRM. LOVES IT.

Without the "close to live" format, the storytelling has really improved. This show is so much better than Top Model this cycle.

Buh Bye

Glad Simon agreed with me on who ought to have been in the Bottom 3. Second time I've been surprised at Allison being in the hot seat.

But thank god for the results. Megan completely flailed when it came to live performance time. Until her elimination, when she brought out the CRAZY FACES. She obviously expected / knew she was going home and had fun, got to say her goodbyes.

Also.

Can the show PLEASE bring live group performances back? Or if you're going to pre-tape it... PLEASE don't do it with lip-synching! This show is supposed to be about singing, and yes they aren't being judged on the group numbers, but... COME ON!

Looking forward to "year of your birth" songs next week.

BTW... talk about making a song different / your own... the beginning of Lady Gaga's live-on-Idol version of her own "Poker Face" was CRAY CRAY. Wouldn't have worked on the show as a performance (hi-hokey!)

Cupid Finals Update

I'm not gonna go all long-winded for this update. Just numbers. See Spinning Cupid: A Case For Renewal for the prelims.

Overall numbers (will report viewers for DWTS/CUPID since I did in the prelims)

DWTS (62 minutes)

- 13.513 million viewers (+0.508 vs prelims)

- 3.1/8 A18-49 (+0.2/1 vs prelims)

CUPID (58 minutes)

- 7.217 million viewers (-0.347 vs prelims, 53.4% retention)

- 2.3/6 (no change vs prelims, 74.2% retention)

Half-hours...

DWTS 9:30

- 15.517 million viewers (+0.391)

- 3.6/9 A18-49 (+0.1/1)

CUPID 10:02

- 8.081 million viewers (-0.562, 52.1% retention)

- 2.5/7 A18-49 (no change, 69.4% retention)

CUPID 10:30

- 6.410 million viewers (-0.075, 79.3% retention)

- 2.1/6 A18-49 (no change, 84.0% retention)

Very unusual for CUPID to not lose any demo once the overrun was taken out. Now, looking at the same shows I looked at in prelims...

March 9 (CASTLE premiere)

DWTS (8-10:02pm)

- 6.1/15 A18-49 (+0.2/0)

CASTLE (10:02pm)

- 3.0/8 A18-49 (-0.3/-1, 49.2% retention)

DWTS 9:30

- 6.8/16 A18-49 (+0.1/0)

CASTLE 10:02

- 3.3/8 A18-49 (-0.4/-1, 48.5% retention)

CASTLE 10:30

- 2.8/7 A18-49 (-0.1/-1, 84.8% retention)

March 30 (most recent CASTLE)

DWTS (8-10:02pm)

- 4.9/12 A18-49 (+0.1/0)

CASTLE (10:02pm)

- 2.4/6 A18-49 (-0.1/-1, 49.0% retention)

DWTS 9:30

- 5.5/13 A18-49 (+0.1/0)

CASTLE 10:02

- 2.7/7 A18-49 (-0.3/-1, 49.1% retention)

CASTLE 10:30

- 2.1/6 A18-49 (no change, 77.8% retention)

March 25 (most recent LIFE ON MARS)

LOST 9:30

- 4.0/10 A18-49 (0/+1)

LIFE ON MARS 10:02

- 2.1/6 A18-49 (-0.2/0, 52.5% retention)

LIFE ON MARS 10:30

- 1.9/5 A18-49 (0/-1, 90.5% retention)

March 26 (most recent PRIVATE PRACTICE)

GREY'S ANATOMY 9:30

- 6.0/14 A18-49 (+0.2/0)

PRIVATE PRACTICE 10:02

- 3.9/10 A18-49 (-0.2/0, 65.0% retention)

PRIVATE PRACTICE 10:30

- 3.5/9 A18-49 (no change, 89.7% retention)

March 22 (most recent BROTHERS & SISTERS)

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 9:30

- 4.9/12 A18-49 (no change)

BROTHERS & SISTERS 10:01

- 3.5/9 A18-49 (-0.2/0, 71.4% retention)

BROTHERS & SISTERS 10:30

- 3.3/9 A18-49 (no change, 94.2% retention)

November 18, 2008 (most recent ELI STONE after DWTS)

DWTS 9:30

- 4.1/10 A18-49 (no change)

ELI STONE 10:02

- 1.9/5 A18-49 (-0.2/0, 46.3% retention)

ELI STONE 10:30

- 1.4/4 A18-49 (no change, 73.7% retention)

The finals support my conclusions from the prelims. The key difference between success and failure of all these shows is the percent of demo drop at 10:02pm (10:01pm in B&S's case) from the lead-in's 9:30pm demo. In that department, CUPID is poised for "success" (though with the low overall numbers, there's no guarantee) as it has the 2nd best post-overrun retention (behind BROTHERS & SISTERS and ahead of PRIVATE PRACTICE).

Ultimately, nothing is more important in determining CUPID's chances for renewal than next week's (and the following week's) numbers.

Spinning Cupid: A Case For Renewal

So, I've talked on this blog a bit about CUPID and it's practically nil chance of success given the lack of promotional push by ABC. I have friends who work on the show and, y'know, the pilot was pure cotton-candy escapism (not revolutionizing television, but not the worst thing by a country mile).

And its numbers last night weren't fabulous when looking just at the numbers in a vacuum. So here's how I'm going to make a case, based purely on the premiere's preliminary results, for renewal. Stick with this, I think you might be surprised.

Overall numbers:

DWTS

- 13.005 million viewers

- 2.9/7 A18-49

CUPID

- 7.564 million viewers (58.2% retention)

- 2.3/6 A18-49 (79.3% retention)

CUPID will drop in the finals while DWTS will rise because of 2 minutes of overrun. However, 79.3% retention in the demo in the prelims is very, very good for ABC at 10pm.

Looking at the half-hours...

DWTS 9:30

- 15.126 million viewers

- 3.5/9 A18-49

CUPID 10:00

- 8.643 million viewers (57.1% retention)

- 2.5/7 A18-49 (71.4% retention)

CUPID 10:30

- 6.485 million viewers (75.0% retention)

- 2.1/6 A18-49 (84.0% retention)

Anyone who tracks ratings can tell you that no show ABC has ever put on after the very old skewing DWTS retains viewers. So I'm just going to stop looking at that figure. In addition, the only figure ABC cares about is the demo. They are on record about this.

So, let's do some comparisons (all in preliminary ratings, not finals).

First, let's compare to what many see as CUPID's direct competition in a battle for renewal, CASTLE. For it's premiere on March 9th...

DWTS (8-10pm)

- 5.9/15 A18-49

CASTLE

- 3.3/9 A18-49 (56.0% retention)

Breaking out the half-hours...

DWTS 9:30

- 6.7/16 A18-49

CASTLE 10:00

- 3.7/9 A18-49 (55.2% retention)

CASTLE 10:30

- 2.9/8 A18-49 (78.4% retention)

You'll already notice that, just comparing premieres, CUPID's retention is far better than CASTLE's in the demo. Let's move away form the premiere of CASTLE, which followed a much-hyped and much-higher-than-usual rated DWTS premiere, to this Monday, March 30th.

DWTS (8-10pm)

- 4.8/12 A18-49

CASTLE

- 2.5/7 A18-49 (52.1% retention)

Looking at half-hours...

DWTS 9:30

- 5.4/13 A18-49

CASTLE 10:00

- 3.0/8 A18-49 (55.6% retention)

CASTLE 10:30

- 2.1/6 A18-49 (70.0% retention)

CASTLE's demo retention is FAR inferior to CUPID's. In addition, this week both CASTLE and CUPID scored a 2.1 in the demo at 10:30pm, but CUPID did so with a much smaller lead-in, and with less of a drop-off from 10pm.

But, let's be honest. CASTLE isn't the only thing we should be looking at. Afterall, CASTLE is circling the drain, so doing better retention, if not better numbers, than a show that in all likelihood is going to be cancelled is nothing to crow about.

Let's look at the rest of ABC's regular 10pm shows, and their most recent performances (looking only at half-hours, which I think spell things out in a much clearer picture).

ABC Wednesdays (data from March 25 airings)

LOST 9:30

- 4.0/9 A18-49

LIFE ON MARS 10:00

- 2.3/6 A18-49 (57.5% retention)

LIFE ON MARS 10:30

- 1.9/6 A18-49 (82.6% retention)

Looking at the above performance, CASTLE behaves a lot like LIFE ON MARS (which, by the way, is cancelled and has its series finale tonight). Actually, from a retention standpoint, it does worse than the cancelled show.

ABC Thursdays (data from March 26 airings)

GREY'S ANATOMY 9:30

- 5.8/14 A18-49

PRIVATE PRACTICE 10:00

- 4.1/10 A18-49 (70.7% retention)

PRIVATE PRACTICE 10:30

- 3.5/9 A18-49 (85.4% retention)

PRIVATE PRACTICE, while not being an out-of-the-park smash hit after GREY'S ANATOMY (outside of the crossover stunt, anyway) is constantly being applauded for having better-than-anything-else-tried-there-before retention out of GREY'S. Notice that CUPID's demo retention (this is long, so to remind you... 71.4% from the 9:30 portion of its lead-in, and 84.0% at 10:30 from its own 10:00 portion) is very similar to PRIVATE PRACTICE's.

A final night and show to compare CUPID to: Sundays and BROTHERS & SISTERS (which is in its third season airing after DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, so ABC must like the numbers it puts up after the ladies of Wisteria Lane)

ABC Sundays (data from March 22 airings)

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 9:30

- 4.9/12 A18-49

BROTHERS & SISTERS 10:00

- 3.7/9 A18-49 (75.5% retention)

BROTHERS & SISTERS 10:30

- 3.3/9 A18-49 (89.2% retention)

Comparing CUPID to BROTHERS & SISTERS, the veteran show only has slightly higher retention, both from its lead-in half-hour, and holding onto its own audience at 10:30pm.

One final feather in CUPID's cap: it outperformed previous Tuesday 10pm occupant ELI STONE (which averaged a 1.9 in the demo in the timeslot and had a much stronger lead-in from the Fall cycle of DWTS). Looking at ELI STONE's final post-DWTS airing (November 18, 2008):

DWTS

- 4.0/10 A18-49

ELI STONE

- 1.8/5 A18-49 (45.0% retention)

Half-hours...

DWTS 9:30

- 4.1/10 A18-49

ELI STONE 10:00

- 2.1/5 A18-49 (51.2% retention)

ELI STONE 10:30

- 1.4/4 A18-49 (66.7% retention)

All of this can change with next week's numbers. But based purely on the premiere's preliminary ratings, CUPID behaves like PRIVATE PRACTICE, which is a shoo-in for renewal. The series should not be put at fault for its lead-in being weak and for not bringing in a huge audience of its own when it was barely promoted by ABC (unlike CASTLE).

Top 9

I still don't really know what the theme of this week is. Popular digital downloads...

Gonna speed through tonight, have a lot of other stuff to watch tonight (and just got home form a three hour script session... yay, so many notes... but mostly in a good, inspiring way)

Anoop - "Hung Up" - Not the Usher song I'd have chosen if I were choosing to sing an Usher song. Why doesn't Anoop smile while performing? He seems to sneer when going on runs. Kinda odd for me. I love Kara's take on Anoop's take.

Megan - "Turn Your Lights Down Low" - She loves the song. I don't know the song. I'm so over her nasally atonal voice. And her "dancing." She should've chosen "I'm Like A Bird" by Nelly Furtado. Just saying. Oh, Kara's suggestion for Adele's "Chasing Pavement" is a good call! I love that Kara is becoming the audience's new Simon! Yay! Boo!!!! I'm convinced the show could fire Randy and Paula and the show would not only be just fine, but would be better. Okay, leave Paula because Simon needs someone to berate.

Danny - "What Hurts The Most" - I want him to sing the Cascada version of the song instead of the Rascal Flatts'. I'm so tired of these contestants being genuine. Can't someone have a good, uptempo fun time AND be a great singer? Danny sings it very well, but I'm kinda over his schmaltz (maybe it's because Scott has drained my patience).

Allison - "Don't Speak" - Didn't know/remember she played guitar. Brilliant song choice. Not-quite-up-to-par performance. I wanted it to be haunting. It was good, but not haunting. I wish when the chorus kicked in she had stayed with the guitar and left the percussion out of it (that would've been very a David Cook move). Simultaneously, the ending worked for me, so just the transition from subdued-guitar-performance to rock-belting was rough. Love ya, Allison, but this wasn't your best. Paula calls Allison's guitar an "ax" and I die. I. Die.

Scott - "Just The Way You Are" - ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. I can't even watch the performance. I must fast forward. The judges liked it. Dammit. Whatever. OVER IT. Who painted Scott's hair, like, orange, and made it stand up like that? FIRE THEM.

Matt - "You Found Me" - If you're going to choose a Grey's Anatomy soundtrack band, why not go for the big hit ("How To Save A Life") or, like, the be-all-end-all of Grey's music ("Chasing Cars", yes, I know, not The Fray)? Anyway. He's singing and playing the piano in the middle of a group of girls. The wha~!? Like Anoop, this was karaoke with a couple riff-ish things. It's better than Anoop simply because he's playing the piano and honestly doing more interesting things with his hands than with voice (until the end when he dares to go falsetto). Paula uses the word "aborted" and I die. I. Die. Shockingly, I agree with Paula, after Matt was eviscerated for singing Coldplay, why sing Coldplay-lite? Matt should've sung JT's "Cry Me A River." Agree with Simon/Randy on OneRepublic's "Apologize" (though, again, I wish people would sing "Say (All I Need)" which is an AWESOME song that never got US attention).

Lil - "I Surrender" - Wig #2! At least her hairpiece choice is right on. Our first Celine take in the finals this season (and, blissfully, by the only female finalist who has the chops to maybe pull it off). Why didn't she bust out Mary J Blige's "No More Drama"? That could've been a "Summertime" moment (I think MJB's Grammy 2002 performance is AMAZING). Yeah, I know, she auditioned to MJB and has been compared to her... so what!? Man, Simon mentions MJB's cover of U2's "One." Damn, I love that cover.

Adam - "Play That Funky Music" - This is a Most Downloaded? Loves it. Sweet Jesus, Princess is wearing bell bottoms (or at least some big-ass-boot cut slacks). Not loving the hair tonight. It doesn't fit with, um, "funky." Paula puts Princess in the same league as Steven Tyler and Mick Jagger. So, basically, the screeching-high-pitched-rock-belters. Compliment, what?

Kris (PIMP SPOT) - "Ain't No Sunshine" - OMG we're already done! I love that the show isn't 120 minutes any longer. YAY. Kris plays the piano, too. Matt and Scott, consider your territory encroached upon! So, tonight, thanks mostly to Adam just having fun instead of trying to fully knock it outta the park... Kris wins the night (though Adam is close... c'mon, folks, we all know who wins this season, right...?)

Bottom 3: Anoop, Matt, Megan (going home)