For script review, see Pilot Script Review - Lost & Found.
I have so very little to say about this pilot except that EVERYTHING IS WRONG.
Katee Sackhoff's Tessa Cooper is not the Starbuck-esque badass the script sort of tried to make her. She's kind of girly. And wears a lot of pink (NOT her color), which is only one of many wardrobe problems. And has waaaaaay too much wavy hair (something shoulder length and straight would've worked much better).
The voiceovers sucked. Instead of voiceovers, Tessa should've showed emotion on her face to convey whatever it was she was supposed to (i.e. when on the phone and VOing that the person on the other end is a bastard).
Tonally, it tries to be funny and spritely and quirky-funny-cops when it should be playing dramatic.
And the act outs are so soft. So soft I don't even remember what they were. For you writers out there, you know that act outs are supposed to be the big twists / reveals that launch the story in a new direction for the next act. The act outs here did that... but they weren't punchy in the way that reveals like "our victim found out he had a daughter four months ago" should've been.
Anyway. Everything is wrong. Easy to see (even back in the script stage) why NBC passed / is passing on this one.