316

WHO PUT THE PILOT OF LOST ON AFTER THE PREVIOUSLY ON INSTEAD OF THE NEXT EPISODE OF SEASON FIVE.

Lol.

Seriously, though, Jack waking up in the bamboo jungle like in the pilot is what I, for a long time, expected would be the series' final image because of all of The Dark Tower references.

But this is the show that spits in the face of expectations, like, twice a scene lately, so... yay.

And, like, 45 seconds in, I'm more confused/excited/ZOMGed than ever.  I LOVE THIS M*****F***ING SHOW.  Who could've anticipated a flash forward to the Oceanic 6's return to The Island in the SIXTH EPISODE?  Not I.  But, y'know, we all knew they were gonna get back to The Island at some point (after all they had TO GO BAAAAAAAAACK) so I like that the writers are setting up more blanks to be filled in between, but giving us a sense of where things are headed (foreboding, woo).

Fionnula Flanagan rocks.  And a 'splainy for why the place she was in at the end of "The Lie" looked so much like a Dharma station!

"Is he telling the truth?" "Probably not." LULZ.

I feel like I'm in 2nd grade and my teacher is explaining long division... only much more complicated.  Or having "how to beat that last ship in Space Invaders" explained to me.

Oh, Desmond.  Don't you know how TV works?  You say "no" at the start of the episode and by the, for some reason, you're going to be saying "yes."  But I don't expect you to be on the plane.  After all, you weren't on 815 (and neither was Ben...)

AJIRA AIRWAYS!

OMG this is possibly the longest scene in Lost history, almost entirely expository... AND I AM RIVETED.

So, because of the back-on-The-Island flash forward (or I guess this makes the off-Island events a flash back?) we know Jack, Hurley, and Kate were on the flight.  3 of 6, 3 of 6, not bad.  Aaron?  Sun?  Sayid?  Locke?  Ben?  WAAAAAAAAALT!!!!!!!?

OMG, LOCKE IS PLAYING THE ROLE OF JACK'S FATHER IN A COFFIN ON THE FLIGHT.  Recreating the 815 crash as best as they can... heart the idea.

So Jack = Thomas the Apostle and Locke = Jesus.  Too religious for my taste for this show (that's not involving Eko).  Locke was a man of faith... but never religious faith.  Faith in The Island.  Faith in Fate.  Dammit we still need to find out WTF happened to Locke and what he said to all these peeps after turning the donkey wheel in the Way Way Back When last episode (timestream = confuddled after last week... other timeflashes all had pretty specific events and years attached to them).

Dear lord, do not let Ben go off and kill Penny.  I will cry.

Once again, I suspect that SOMEONE is going to be asking Kate WTF happened to Turniphead.  Because I demand to know.

Sidenote - the "I don't need you to be a doctor, I need you to be a god" part of the Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice was the worst part of those promos and now the promo is, in big letters "Doctor... of GOD?"  Oh, ABC.  Oh, Shonda.  Oh, vomit.

But back to Lost.

Oh, Ben.  Oh, Ben.  I will be so unhappy.  I will cry.  Oh, Ben.

Good thing rigor mortis hadn't set in on Locke's corpse.  Also, good thing those shoes fit?

Hm, are we going to have a whole slew of new characters aboard this plane to keep track of (or at least this guy who offered his condolences to Jack)?

Yay, Sun is on the plane!

YES.  YES!  SAYID IS BEING ESCORTED BY A US MARSHALL (who is this woman?)

Good call on buying up all the empty seats, Hurley.  Good call.  But how did he get out of prison...?

"The other people on this plane... what's going to happen to them?"  "Who cares?"  I love Ben.  But I hate him.  But I love him!  But no.  I must.  But I cannot.

FRANK LAPIDUS IS THE PILOT.  ARE YOU SERIOUS?  AND HE SHAVED.

"We're not going to Guam, are we?"  Nope.  Nope...

"How can you read?"  "My mother taught me."  ROFL.

Jack, that is NOT the proper way to open an envelope.

HOLY FORWARD MOMENTUM!

And the kicker is that the jumping through time is NOT done for our, um, did-not-leave-The-Island-ers and our Ajira 316ers have joined them (at least temporarily... at the very least they're back in the 70s and Jin is driving Roger Workman's VW Bus).

HOLY EFF.